Things change in the course of a year. Sometimes cannot wrap my mind around the changes. What I have learned about myself is that I'm a good person. I care about people. However, I'm also very vulnerable and able to break. Without proper nourishment, I wither. Relationships are not toys, are not things to neglect. Some relationships were not meant to be with you throughout your lifetime, some are. Some lift a person up, some drag a person down.
I want to be in relationship with people that lift me up. Being down, dragged down, kept down, unstimulated, unrequited, unable to breathe is not good for me.
My writings have deep emotional thoughts, and not only do I feel deeply (which some view as a liability), but I analyze and have abilities to see things others cannot see, such as the intricacies of speech, and how people manipulate. Unfortunately, if I am deeply, emotionally moved by something, I may not use the important tool of critical thinking that can help protect my vulnerability. Thus, my battle within: Do I trust and express tenderness, or do I observe, with a skeptic eye and protect myself?
The balance, it seems, will lead to emotionally intelligent decisions for me in the future. In the meantime, my heart, my soul must heal.
There will only be peace, a real "namaste" when you are not at odds within yourself or others, but have accepted that you need to be honest with others and yourself. One still, quiet voice has reminded me that I am not alone on this journey.
In the meantime.... my heart....my soul....must heal.